Purity and the bullshit of “saving yourself”


The idea that one’s sexuality is somehow a “present” to Someone Else makes me insane.  My sexuality doesn’t belong to anyone else.  It isn’t a gift to someone else.  It’s Mine.  Just as your sexuality is yours.  Have I done things that I’ve cringed about?  Sure.  Have I had some amazingly wonderful experiences from which I have learned, and that have helped me develop personally and spiritually?  Abso-fucking-lutely.

I’ve been watching Sister Wives, and it disappoints me to see the shame that Robyn felt over her own sexuality and that she is thus passing on to the family’s children as some type of “lesson.”  I do not believe that sex and sexuality is a one-size fits all issue by any means – but I think that the key to fulfillment is an honest and informed commitment to one’s self and his or her needs.  This includes open education, the ability to ask questions and get honest answers, and an open line of communication with someone trustworthy and open.  There is no world in which feeling shame for one’s sexuality is a good or productive thing.

What breaks my heart most of all about Robyn’s issue is that I believe if she had had those opportunities and education, she may not have made the decision she made to “give her purity to someone who begged for it.”  Maybe she would have.  But perhaps she would have felt the freedom and ability to explore her own sexuality, decide when she was ready and with whom, and to feel a sense of pride and love for her sexuality as another layer of her self in development rather than something which took away from her and for which she felt the need to apologize and seek attrition.

Girl, you DO NOT have to apologize for sex.  You’re right – sex IS sacred; but, it’s sacred for YOU, not for someone else.  It belongs to you, not to anyone else.  We should all celebrate that.